I hope you cry

Dear Brenna,

I cry a lot. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm scared. I cry when I'm confused. I cry when I'm frustrated. I cry when I'm excited. It's just who I am.

Take today for example. I watched Oprah's last show. I have probably watched 20 total Oprah shows ever. But, today I watched the end. And I cried. A lot. You looked at me like I was crazy and you gave me a kiss. I explained to you that I wasn't sad - it was just emotional for her, so it became emotional for me.

Yesterday I cried after I talked to the realtor. Our house isn't selling when I want it to. Daddy and I have faith that God will help it sell in his time, but I'm worried about our next step. I cried and cried.

About two weeks ago I sat down in the front of my classroom and cried (with students in there!). They wouldn't listen to me and I wanted them to learn so badly. So, I cried because they hurt my feelings and made me frustrated at the same time.

So, you see, sometimes I wish I didn't cry so easily. I cry at commercials, I cry at books, I cry EVERY YEAR when Charlotte dies in Charlotte's Web. I cry anytime I watch A Baby Story on TV. I cried while April was in labor with Tinley. It's embarassing at times and I sometimes try to hide it.

All this to say - I hope you cry like me. Even though it's awkward (I'm NOT a pretty crier!) and sometimes embarassing, I feel like it's how I live life. I'm passionate about things. I care deeply about issues, and people, and causes. I cry because I feel things strongly. I hope you do, too. And just know my shoulder is always here for you to cry on - and I'll probably cry right along with you.

Love, Mommy

Lots of WOW! Moments

It's been a big week or two at our house. Brenna is growing and changing by leaps and bounds every single day. Just within the last 3 weeks she has rolled over from the belly to her back (yes, this is the harder way and yes, she did the other way over 2 months ago. Go figure!), perfected the art of sitting for long periods of time, learned to pull up unassisted on furniture (or anything else at the particularly perect height), gotten on all fours and rocked back and forth, started reaching for us consistently and very excitedly, cried for me when I left her in the church nursery (which, in turn, meant she got to go to church with me - I'm a softie!), slept on her side and belly for the first time, and.....drumroll please.....EATEN SOLID FOOD! A month ago we had a baby. Now, it seems, our baby is turning into a big girl right before our very eyes! I've even got some photo/video proof of all these big milestones for our girl. Unfortunately, blogger is being stupid, so I'll have to upload them later. For now, there are bathrooms to clean during naptime.

Oh, and Mommy had a milestone too. I just tried on pretty much all the pants I was wearing when I got pregnant with Brenna and they ALL fit. I'm still not down to prepregnancy weight, but my pants fit. Shirts are a different story - but I have a feeling that'll be the way it'll be for the rest of my life. Pregnancy just does something to your body. But trading a better body for this pulling up, sitting up, jabbering, food-eating miracle that lived in my body? No way!

Things I Will Miss

Lately it seems like Brenna is changing so fast that I can't even keep up. I've thought a lot about all the things I'm going to miss when she's out of this stage. I know we have a ton of things to look forward to, but it hurts my heart to think about losing some of the things we're experiencing now. I guess this is why people have more than one kid, isn't it? Anyway, the things I will miss...
1. Her sweet little toothless grin. Oh my word, it melts my heart. It's the most fun thing about her, no doubt.
2. Her baby smell. I know soon enough she'll smell like green beans, pees, avocados, peaches, applesauce, and cereal. But for now I will just enjoy her milky little baby smell.
3. Her carseat/stroller combo. I LOVE having her face me when I put her infant seat in her stroller. The one time she rode facing outward, it drove me nuts. Do they make mirrors for strollers like they do for cars?
4. Her long naps. On days when two of her naps are long (like today) I'm in heaven because I spend the first nap cleaning up, washing diapers or clothes, steaming bottles, making muffins, planning dinner, ironing, doing the dishes, etc. Then I can join her for part of her 2nd nap and spend the rest of it blogging (like now!) Oh, these are the days!
5. "Firsts". It seems like everyday she has a "first". On some days it's big firsts - rolling over, laughing, pulling up. On other days they aren't so big - wearing jeans for the first time, putting her paci back in her mouth, noticing Maggie. But they are all important to us and I'll miss having things to celebrate most every day. Soon it'll be her first dance recital or volleyball game, first time on the Honor Roll, first prom, first date (eek!), first vacation without us..... then her first dance with her new husband, her first baby, and then she'll get to go through what we are getting to go through now. Time never stops, does it?
6. The questions/comments from strangers. I'm sure people comment on and ask questions about toddlers, but man babies just draw attention. And I just love bragging on her.
7. The newness of it all. She's almost four months old - and in some ways it seems longer than that. A lot of people say they can't remember life without their baby/kids. I remember life before her. I could nap when I wanted, go to the gym when I wanted, go on vacation when I wanted, sleep in, enjoy dinner out with just Jonathan. I also LONGED for a baby of my own. I thought about it all the time. I wanted to be a mommy long before I said "I do" two years ago. And now I am. I remember what life was like, and although sometimes it was easier - it didn't hold a candle to the way I feel about our family now. One day I really won't remember life without Brenna, and I'm okay with that. But I do enjoy the newness of it all and learning to be parents with the most amazing hubby and daddy ever!
8. Our routine. My type A personality loves having a routine and my right-brainedness loves adventure. I definitely like knowing what to (kinda) expect during our days here at home together. But I'm sure it's fun to wake up each day not knowing, too!
9. Her little baby babble. She has SO MUCH to say and I love hearing her express it (even though I have no clue what she's saying). It will be fun to carry on a conversation that we both understand one day, but I love hearing her just babble and giggle away. It's just pure innocence and I adore it!
10. Introducing her to the important people in our lives. Most all the people we love the most in the world have met her, but a few still haven't. I'll miss that feeling of seeing friends and family meet and hold her for the first time as a baby. It's just such a feeling of love!

Cloth Diapers

If you had told me 10 years ago that I'd EVER decide to use cloth diapers, I would have laughed in your face. I probably would have written that off as one of the grossest things I could imagine. However, much has changed! When we started talking about having a baby, I really thought this might be a good idea for us - mainly due to the financial benefit. I've seen a few friends use them with lots of luck...and of course my 2 new blog friends decided to use them too, so it's been fun to chat with them about the exciting world of fluffy bums!

Ok, so I mentioned the financial benefit. I read up on this a lot - and it looks like it costs about $1200 to diaper one baby for one year. Ouch! So, it would be close to $2500 to diaper Brenna for 2 years. And that was before I knew how much of a champion, um, diaper-user she would be. If you multiply that by the 4 kids we wanted, it could be 10 grand to diaper them all! If you multiply it by the 2 we will probably have because of my total weakness, it's still almost $5,000. And that doesn't include wipes. Anyhow, I've fallen in love with some super cute diaper brands, and they aren't always the cheapest - but they aren't the most expensive, either! Even when the average cost is about $15 for each - that's still only $300 for 20 diapers - and I pretty much only order them if they are on a killer sale. The greatest thing - I can reuse them! Which, quite honestly, makes me a little sad that I won't get this buying thrill with the next kid since I'll have to reuse the ones I have. I figure by then I'll have a toddler to be keeping up with, so diapers won't really be a priority, right? Oh, and there is another benefit - if we have another baby while Brenna is still in diapers, they could hypothetically use the same diapers in the one-size variety!

Yeah, turns out there are lots of options. Sized or one-sized. All-in-ones or pockets. Snaps or velcro. We have some of it all. Right now Brenna is using mainly sized diapers since she is so small. She's wearing extra-small and small BumGenius all-in-ones (AIO), small Fuzzibunz pockets, small Blueberry pockets, newborn size Lil' Joeys, and one-sized Rumparooz. The all-in-ones are definitely easier, as you don't have to stuff the pockets with a soaker. However, they take FOREVER to dry - I usually give in and just use the dryer. The pockets dry much faster because I can take out the soakers and dry them separately. She was also wearing some Thirsties, but they leaked and I hated them, so we sold them.

Sold them? Yep! Turns out their is a huge cloth-diaper utopia called diaperswappers.com where people stalk diapers that other babies have worn. Oh yeah, it's weird. However, I'm a huge fan. I've bought lots of diapers off of there. Usually I buy ones that are brand new that people just decided they didn't want and are selling cheaper than retail price. Yeah, score! Just last week I sold my first diapers - 6 thirsties and 1 goodmama and made a hefty $80 before shipping costs. Yay!

Ok, so what's a goodmama? It's the cult classic of all diapers. People are crazy over these things. I can't really afford them unless I find a great deal. We have one - and it's super adorable. It's a brown and white cow print. It doesn't fit yet - but when it does - you'll for sure get pictures on here! They are all snaps though, which Jonathan doesn't quite love, so we'll stick to the velcro so that Daddy will keep being supportive of my little-bit-earth-but-not-really hobby! Yep, after seeing how many diapers we went through in a day when we were using disposables during her itty-bitty stage, I decided that even though saving the planet wasn't my motivation, it was a pretty awesome advantage. Saving the world, one cute butt at a time!

And, as if you didn't think I was weird already, I guess I should tell you we are using cloth wipes at home, too. For these reasons - they are easy and good for her bum, we are already doing laundry of the, um, poopy variety, so why not?, and throwing away wipes that aren't contained in a diaper is pretty gross. We're still using regular wipes when we're out and about, though, don't worry. I'm not crazy enough to carry around a spray bottle in the diaper bag. And just in case you're interested, I just use a mixture of water, a little baby lotion, a little baby oil, and a little baby wash to spray on the wipes (which are actually just receiving blankets cut up.....until I order some real ones because I'm tired of the ones we have fraying like crazy!). Ok, that's all on this topic for now. Go ahead and mock me, I can take it!

Ouw sweet little BumGenius!

I love my Fuzzibunz!

Smilin' in my minky Blueberry!

Polka dotted Rumparooz

Cutest diaper ever - Lil' Joey!!